i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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