Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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