Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
