She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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