Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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