p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
