hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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