Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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