I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
