I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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