ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
