I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
