i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
