I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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