A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left an ass print on the piano.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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