Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
