I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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