Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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