Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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