so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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