Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
