Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it was like eating out sand paper
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
