I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
