I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize