dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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