you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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