just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
how do you play pong handcuffed?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
