ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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