the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
