as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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