From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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