Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
handjob tips. give me some.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
