Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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