And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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