C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
