I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
