the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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