I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
