His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
