just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
