My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
