Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to have your abortion
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
