After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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