alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize