No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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