Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
