At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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