he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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