I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
