So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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