Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
