Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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