She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
