i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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