i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
