Whatcha textin bout Willis?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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