no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
