I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
