it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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