No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
