At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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