where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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