How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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