I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
