Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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