New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
