If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
