After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
