my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
