hotel room ftw
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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